You may have been wondering what happened to mine and D’s dates. I posted about our break up: Well I Never Thought I would be a Single-Mum and I posted about our plan to attempt to try and resolve some of the issues in our relationship: Date #1 but I never followed up and told you what happened after Date #1 and give you all the gossip from Date #2.
Well Date #2 was non-existent!!!
We only got through one date before we argued too much and date #2 wasn’t even discussed!! It was some weeks ago now so I cannot even remember what the exact argument was but I know I was MAD!
I never posted about it at the time because I didn’t want to write anything in the heat of the moment and then regret it later. Now things have settled down and I know we are 100% broken up.
I say things have settled down and maybe that’s not quite true. We still argue.. a lot! But I think part of it is that we argue via text messaging so we don’t really know what the other one is trying to say or interpret it as it was intended and it just escalates the problem. Although I would much rather message than argue in front of Molly!
There have been times where it’s been tough but generally I am so busy that I just get on with it. I think of all the good things about being a single-mum like all the extra cuddles I get!
I read a FANTASTIC blog post from Starting Over As Ms and it was just what I needed to hear. For anyone that has gone through a break up, you will be able to completely relate to this post and it actually really helped for me to stay strong and put my mind at ease. It is such a reassuring post. Check it out: Guilt and Self-doubt – After the Breakup
I feel so sorry for Molly though and feel like I am letting her down. I do not want her to have step-parents and have to share Christmas etc but I just try and remember that if I am happier then I can provide a happier upbringing for her. But it’s a vicious circle and I hope she understands one day and doesn’t hate be for not being with her daddy. I am glad it’s happened now though and not when she was older and she could understand everything.
I feel I am doing really well on my own though and am actually extremely proud of myself for coping so well and sorting everything out. Some days have been really hard with housework, assignments, work, Molly and sleep training! But I am managing to fit everything in and have found the balance in my daily routine now. I am worried for September though whilst I have to squeeze in Teacher Training too but I can do it… somehow!! Luckily I have the most fantastic mum to support me.
D has decided to go back to work full time but it’s a job which he has to work away for and barely gets the whole weekend off (I know I nagged him to get a job but I didn’t mean one which meant he was unseeable all week!!) . As much as I missed her it was nice for D to take Molly for an afternoon mid-week so I could really concentrate on my assignments and I am going to find that so difficult now. I don’t even want to think how hard it will be to fit them in during my training!! It makes me so upset when I think that I will be so stressed and against the clock all week, barely getting to see Molly and now I will loose weekend time with her too because that’s the only time D can see her now. It’s going to be one tough year!
I don’t know what the future holds. Maybe one day me and D will work it out or maybe I meet some one new tomorrow. All I know is that right now I want to stay single! I love being with Molly and I don’t want to give up and of my Molly-time to go on dates with strangers! Right now I am happy with her and completely contented. I hope D is too.
The only thing that would ever bother me is the new dates that D may have. As we are broken up, if I like it or not (something which he will never be able to work out!), he can date whoever he likes, but it is so important that I get to meet any of his future ‘friends’ before my child does! I don’t want Molly to see her daddy with different woman to mummy and set a bad relationship image. If it turned out that he was serious on somebody else and felt it was time for her to meet Molly, then I really hope he discusses it with me first. I don’t think he would like it if I just introduced Molly to any-old-body with talking to him first (not that I plan too) but I hope he is on board this idea too.
So that was Date #2!
Now it’s just me and my beautiful baby, and I am okay with that!