I Am Not Just A Mum, I Am Me Too
I have a name other than ‘Mum’.
I am mum 24/7 but who was I before? Well then I was just plain me, just Fran.
Durring my pregnancy I heard over and over again about how I was giving my life up to become a mum. Not giving up my life in a bad way, but giving up all of my freedom to look after and raise a baby. But who says I have to? Am I not allowed a night off?
I am not just Mum, I am Fran.
I once watched a television programme and the lady said ”Hardly anyone at school knows my name, they all just call me Jack’s Mum” and this is something that’s really stuck in my head. Who is that person behind the name ‘mum’?
Being a Mum adds hundreds of fabulous qualities to who we already were, it does not need us to replace our old self with an entire new one, we just need to expand on who we were.
I do not want to loose my own identity just because I am a mother. Being ‘Molly’s mum’ is a massive part of who I am but it is not all of me, admittedly most but still not all. I want to have a great career and every now and then dance like nobody is watching with my friends. Surely I don’t have to give that up to fulfil the role of being a great mum, do I?
Do we have to sacrifice everything just because we have had a baby? Some will say yes, arguing that’s what parenthood is about, and I am not so sure to agree. Not everything. There are aspects of my old life that I wish to keep, maybe not peruse as often but I want to know they are not completely out of the window and my goals in life are still the same and I hope still very possible.
This weekend just gone, I actually went out on a Saturday night! It was the first time Molly had ever stayed at D’s house and I was sick to my stomach all day with worry and felt like letting down my friends and just spending another night in with her. I managed to pull through and I am so glad I did, I had a blast! It was so much fun just going to the pub for a couple drinks and being ‘normal me’ again.
Especially being a single-mum, Molly is the only person I talk to for the majority of the week so it was lovely to have a full conversation with actual adults; especially as I wasn’t interrupted with nappies/sick etc!! I am still young and I want to see my friends and this is what they do and I want to do it too occasionally. I actually feel really refreshed for having a bit of me-time. It’s been a very long time since I had some time to let my hair down and just chill out. Going out is not something I am going to start doing every weekend but it’s good to know I will now be attending a social night here and there.
It made me feel like me again. Part of me feels guilty for feeling this way, like it’s not allowed and that’s just the mother in me. Molly will always be my number one, my everything, and bring me the most happiness.
However it was lush that for a couple hours I was Fran again. From now on, every now and then, that old person will be coming back out again.
Molly slept fine at D’s and didn’t even notice I was gone!! He dropped her home as soon as I woke up and she was none the wiser. I don’t think I could leave her for too much time in one go but I felt okay as this was at night and so she was just sleeping. I also completely appreciate the fabulous support network that I have around me which enables me to even contemplate this.