The Heart-wrenching Goodbye

I have been working for nearly four weeks now and it doesn’t get any easier to walk out of that front door in the morning.

Every day I wake up extra early to get myself up and ready, giving me a little bit of time with Molly in the morning before I go. As I am staying at my Mum’s house right now and she is also my childcare for Molly whilst I am at work, I can spend a little more time with Molly compared to that if I was living somewhere else. But it still doesn’t feel like enough time. There are days where I literally feel like I do not see her, although I know it is worse for some parents. I always like to get her dressed and give her the morning bottle but we only get ten minutes or so to play and then it’s time for the heart-wrenching goodbye.

I thought it would be easier by now. I thought we would be in more of a routine and Molly would be used to me going, but it doesn’t seem that way. I work Monday-Wednesday and always on a Sunday she is really clingy and doesn’t like to be put down, and cries if I am not with her. By Monday morning she knows I am going to work and gets really upset. If she sees me try to head for the door she really cries and she will run after me. It breaks my heart!!

We had nearly a year of being inseparable and it really is going to take a very long time to get used to being apart, even if it is only for three days. The evenings are full with the dinner routine, making lunches for the next day, laying out work clothes, and baths, that there it little room for quality time too. I need to work out a system where we get more than an hour together. Molly goes to bed quite late, at 8.o’clock so hopefully I can work out a way to squeeze in some more quality time together in the evening, so the days are more bearable.

I am lucky enough to live fairly close to where I work so I do always pop home for lunch to break the day up for us both, and it’s lovely just to get to fit in another meal together. I want to miss as little as possible so I am willing to do as much as I can.

Every work day I hate leaving her, and I have actually not been sleeping very well lately, as I think it is really playing on my mind. But I do remember why I am working and will continue to do so. I am so thankful to my Mum for helping me and it makes it easier to know Molly is with her.

But it doesn’t make that daily heart-wrenching goodbye any easier. Will the goodbye ever be less painful?!

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