The Circle of Life

So I haven’t had much time to sit down and write any posts recently. Sadly my Nanny is very ill.

We have known this for quite some time now and recently she has just been getting worse and worse.

It’s especially a tough time as we were really close and to watch some one you love deteriorate is so hard, when there is nothing that you can do.

This is my Dads Mum, but as my Dad is no longer here, my Nanny is my responsibility. Not only do I want to look after her for the pure fact that I love her, I also see it my place in honour of my Dad.

She currently lives in a Care Home. Shortly after my Dad passed away her condition of Dementia and general health went down hill and she couldn’t stay at the Care Home she was residing in. Exactly two weeks before Molly was born, as I was taking my exams at University, I had the difficult task of finding her a new home. I had no idea what I was doing and was already under enough pressure. I ended up just writing a list of Homes in the local area and going to knock on their doors to find help.

Luckily I found the most amazing home for her, just two minutes away from my house. This meant me and my family got to go and see her more often and check she was okay. After the horrific stories you hear about Care Homes in the Press, it’s a scary process but the care she has been receiving cannot be faulted in any way. They are kind and gentle and so understanding. They put my Nanny at the heart of what they do and are ever so friendly to me too. I feel so happy that I found a lovely place for her to end her life, surrounded by people that really care.

On Tuesday I was called out of work by the Care Home to say my Nanny was not doing well and they gave her 24hours left. I sat by her side and tried to comfort her as much as I could. But my Nanny is strong. Very strong! I like to consider myself as a strong person and now I realise where I get my strength from.

Nanny beat it through the night. After spending all day with her Wednesday and Thursday she continues to fight. She hasn’t eaten or drank since the start of the week and before that she was only having sips. Nothing is going into her body yet her body finds the energy to keep going.

We all know the end is near and I spend my days sat by her side, chatting rubbish and reciting our old memories. Looking at her it really makes me think of the circle of life. She was born twelve years after a war, I can’t even begin to imagine life at that time, she ran her own business, had children, and really made the most of her life. It makes me think about my life and what I want from it.

When I get home at the end of the day, all I can do is cuddle Molly. It scares me to think I may be in my Nanny’s position one day and it will be down to Molly to look after me. The changes we go through along our journey is unbelievable but it can only make us stronger. I have already prepared my Will incase anything happens to me so Molly would have a little lass to worry about. Here is my post on how to write a will: On My Death.

I hope my Nanny lies there and is truly happy with her life. I think she has done amazing and I can only thank her for her input on my life and giving me some fantastic years with my Dad.

I know she does’t have long left and I am so lost as to what to do. But I will do my best to take care of her. I think the world of her and am so proud. I can only hope one day Molly thinks this much of me.

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I love this collection of photos showing mainly my Dad and my Nanny.

My Nanny made my Dad, my Dad made me, I made Molly. That’s a lot of love right there!

Never forget just how much your family matters.

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